I decided I would be the adult and take on responsibility for myself – doing my own laundry, ironing, food and isolating after school in my room

My mother was a warm and caring mother, everyone had a good word for…her own early life was tough and she was forced out into the world at an early age, as was common back in her generation. To me she remained a teenager through her life, she faced life, but had never really grown up and her crutch not seen by most was alcohol and secret drinking in the home. I was the youngest and I grew up to live with her and hidden empty bottles. School was very tough, I was quiet and bullied and then at 11 I flipped and became loud and distractive, but had learned how to work the bullying aspect and deflect. School was of no help, they were blind to the alcohol abuse, as most were, or they didn’t know how to approach. And at 11, I decided I would be the adult and take on responsibility for myself – doing my own laundry, ironing, food and isolating after school in my room. Sleeping until early am and then get up and do homework, and back to sleep. All avoidance techniques, tried to leave at 15, too young, left as soon as 18, as then had stayed long enough to have options ahead. I know others won’t have had that opportunity, and are forced to leave earlier. Those close that knew gave sympathy to my mother, so did I… but then they never had to spend a day, a night, a week and experience the constant hurtful and twisted rants from a frothing mouth with an alcohol activated malicious stranger that I got see the most of… no support existed, it was self help – tough it out and make it through. The most important realisation from 11, which came from the TV – was to know alcoholism was a disease and so not to blame yourself or my mother. Blame the alcohol! Mine was mental abuse, at times physical too, it could have gone the other way, but over time I turned it into a strength and recognised alcoholism as an illness. I know others face worse forms of abuse, but please reach out and seek help as these days it seems to be more open and available, Don’t let alcohol make you a victim, others go through it and they can help just by talking and we all need to talk! Understanding alcoholism has let me live without its shadow over me, and I wish there was more help for my mother in this country of ours, as there simply isn’t! The Dr told me on one occasion be prepared to find your mother dead on the floor one day, it happened. Awareness and openness may get us to point where there is help for others! We live in hope…