I walk with a ball of shame tied to my foot still to this day

Terror, fear and anxiety was my existence until the day he died! At aged 28 it was over, and the healing could begin. I am now 46yrs and he is still living in my head and my body. My father was a verbally and sexually abusive alcoholic who got worse as he deteriorated over the years into chronic alcoholism.

My mother was not a drinker. She couldn’t deal with it, so she left us the children to deal with him when he was on a binge. After an evening hiding in the fields behind the wall because he was roaring and screaming like an animal after a binge of whiskey, my mother brought us into the house left us in our bedroom and locked herself in a room for the night. We had become the adult.

I walk with a ball of shame tied to my foot still to this day but through counselling and talking to those I trust I’ve started to heal.